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"The World Is Full Of Films"

(just bl...y make them!)


HO-BO *** HO-BO *** HO-BO
 
The new Hollywood/Bollywood magazine incorporating also (but not exclusively) BABAPI (Babelsberg, Bavaria and Pinewood)

HEADLINES *** HEADLINES ***
 
JOHNNY DEPP FINALLY ANALYSED!  HUMPHREY BOGART KISSES CATE BLANCHETT???
MATT DAMON PLAYS MICHAEL O' LEARY          BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH WINS "MOST STUPID PSEUDONYM AWARD"
"COPY THAT" - PRINTING GIANT OCE JOINS HOLLYWOOD       "WHAT WENT WRONG, Mr. Bruckheimer?"

THE FIRST SENSATIONAL PHOTOS FROM THE SET:  "ELTON - THE MOVIE":

left: Elton Jones during scene 12/133 / right: the doubles for Nicole Kidman (right) and Elton Jones during a break

 
         
                            
"SAVING ZIRYA" - OPEN LETTER TO STEVEN SPIELBERG MICHAEL GOVE (alias RT Hon) new British Prime Minister?
CAN BORUSSIA DORTMUND AVOID RELEGATION?  "Kim&Jerry" - JERRY BRUCKHEIMER SIGNS KIM JONG UN TO PLAY HIMSELF
SCANDAL! THOUSANDS OF JOBS AXED IN HOLLYWOOD!   New at the Oscars: The worst supporting act"
ROLAND EMMERICH: New film will prove that "we are really the good guys"   Coming soon

BEST MOVIES EVER - Today: MALCOLM (1986)

                                                                          
Jerry Bruckheimer                       Erwin C., stuntman for Kim Jong Un               The "RT Hon" (alias Michael Gove)
 
NEW COMPETITIONS !!!: "The Actor Without Mimic Award" +++ The Most Stupid Pseudonym Price +++ Guess the name of our Bollywood guest star Mahatma P. and win one free Vindaloo meal +++ Bring-A-Sponsor competition +++ Make your own Blockbuster competition +++ The most stupid film description award +++ The best Extra Award +++
 
 In today's edition: Affleck, Ben + Bruckheimer, Jerry + Copley, Sharlto + Costner, Kevin + Damon, Matt + Depp, Johnny + Derkanns, Hans + Ford, Harrison + Gleesson, Brendan + Goodman, John + Gove, Michael + Hon, RT + Jolie, Angela Jones, Elton + Kidman, Nicole + Kombassman, Hartmann + Potente, Franka + Spielberg, Steven + Tarrantino, Quentin St. + Vangelis

BREAKING NEWS +++ BREAKING NEWS +++: "THE DUKE OF BURGUNDY" won the "Most Stupid Film Description Award!"
And here is the winning line: "A WOMAN WHO STUDIES BUTTERFLIES AND MOTHS TESTS HER LIMITS OF HER RELATIONSHIP WITH HER LOVER"... Congratulations to director and producer: Both are now nominated for the new price: "How to attract a wider audience"
  
our photo shows Ms. Moth, nominated for the best supporting act in "The Duke of Burgundy"



POSTER OF THE MONTH:                                       SONG OF THE MONTH:
  
                           

                                                                                                        (title song from "ALIEN 9 - Yodeling")
 

 
CYNICAL


H O B O (BABAPI)

FIND IT HERE!
All the news!!!
All the gossip!!!
MANY competitions!!!
Lots of prices to win!!! ... Follow our amazing "votes of the day, the week, the month and even the year"

 
The Jury had to chose between 12597 "actors/actresses", but in the end they came up with only two candidates: Good choice, jury!
Both candidates from the same movie: "ELYSIUM". Although Jodie Foster tried very hard, she will stand no chance against 'colleague' SHARLTO COPLEY. Poor Matt Damon, who played his behind off, to make the most stupid film of the year at least a little bit watchable (tip: just cut out all scenes in which Matt Damon cannot be seen... and you have a great movie!)
READ the whole story inside!
READ the new column of our chief editor "A Man From Behind"



 
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OUR GUEST FILM CRITIC
Today by Hartmann Kombassman

"UNBROKEN" by Angela Jolie

"What a crap!"

Comment by the editor "If you want to see a good movie about this topic, just watch PARADISE ROAD with Cate Blanchett, Glenn Close and Francis McDormand."

TV NEWS

RYANAIR OPENS ITS NEW ROUTE TO THE CARNIVAL IN RIO DE JANEIRO ...
AND JERRY BRUCKHEIMER JOINS IN!
MATT DAMON TO PLAY MICHAEL O'LEARY !
3 STORIES IN ONE


Short version:

Finally! After many years of speculations, Ryanair – the “Walmart of the skies” (and in their own words “The world’s most popular airline”) goes long-haul! Insiders expected this move, after Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary discussed the possibilities of transatlantic flights with his Irish carrier during several press conferences. Now, we all know that good spirit and humour is something the Irish are great at. And without a good sense of  humour Ryanair, also named Lyingair by some critics, would not exist. And this is what Mr. O’Leary had to say about long haul flights in the past:
“In economy, no frills; in business class it'll all be free - including the bl..wjobs.”
The jouney to Rio de Janeiro will be an exciting adventure trip with stop-overs in Iceland and bus transfer from French Guyana to Ipanema. Of course producer Jerry Bruckheimer will be on board to capture this drama on film.
Matt Damon, who will play Ryanair chairman Michael O'Leary commented "What a challenge to play this wild, crazy and eccentric f...f... figure."
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New type of democracy needed:

Open Letter to the UK Secretary of Education, RT Hon Michael Gove


"You are a disgrace!" - These were Michael Gove's words to the the members of the British House of Commons who voted against a military intervention in Syria. And the man is right! We are starting a new campaign "Real Democracy NOW"! and want Mr. Gove to give lectures on our idea of new "Education Centres" (not to be mixed up with concentration camps of course), so that everybody, including British MPs will know how they have to vote and that an opinion comes second to kissing the behind of a leader.
LATEST: ... and then "RT Hon" made some incredible remarks re food banks and poverty. He is definitely not "right" and not "honorable".

 
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FUTURE PRODUCTIONS

"Woman in Red" Part 2

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BEST MOVIES EVER: 
Today: MALCOLM (1986)
by David Parker and Nadia Tass


(this is a link to a youtube-upload by somebody else. (For further details pls read the "legal stuff")
INDEPENDENT

IN SHORT+++IN SHORT+++

 
+++ LATEST (not yet confirmed): "Lola runs 2.0" is in preparation. The working title "Lola crawls"+++
+++ "COPY THAT"...Printing giant OCÉ joins Tinseltown! Read the full story here +++ After Sex and the City we are looking forward to "No Sex outside the city"" +++ Jerry Bruckheimer is planning "Ryanair - The Movie" starring Matt Damon as Michael O'Leary +++ Coming soon: The 2015 "How much we love us!" Awards. Critics call it the "Greatest Masturbation Show On Earth", but this might be exaggerated... +++ Our therapist panel analyses behaviour of actors/actresses. Today: Johnny Depp! +++ Sharlto Copley to win the "worst supporting act award" at this year's Oscars!
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FILM JOURNALISTS VOTED FOR "THE MOST STUPID PSEUDONYM"

BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH! Another desaster for the young Brit who was finally refused the price (spinach salad with Brasil nuts) after the jury found out that this is actually his real name.


BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH 
(photo from: "When we were young" taken during the casting to STAR WARS Episode XXVI

 
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Printing giant OCE joins Hollywood!

HOBO had access to a secret letter sent by OCÉ to Mr. Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland):

Dear Mr. Sutherland/Bauer

Congratulations for your wonderful work in the film industry and please excuse my bad English. Like father like son we use to say and not: Because of father. No, sir! 
Our company is interested to join the next “24” series as a sponsor.
Our new machine copies all three sides of the paper within seconds. Analyzing the previous wonderful series of “24”, we realized that you say on average 112x per episode the words “copy that”. And here is our idea. One of our (very pretty) sales assistants is always at your side and takes the paper and the order “copy that”. (The assistant wears nice and very attractive OCE uniforms). Alternativ: Whenever you say “copy that”, the camera can show our new model “OCE 24 Bauer” in action.
We are willing to finance your German promotion tour and have spoken to our hotel partner IBIS, who will give you a 30% discount when- and wherever you will stay in one of their Hotels (minimum stay: 2 nights). We will also be happy to supply you personally with one of our new machines free of charge (cartridges are NOT included).
Mit freundlichen Grüssen and copy that )))
(just a joke)
Der Geschäftsführende

PS: Maybe you could add the word "please". I mean like in "copy that, please."
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(our photo shows the next British Prime Minister, Michael Gove alias RT Hon)

Your vote: Should this man be the next British Prime Minister or the "bad guy" in the next James Bond movie (with Kevin Costner as Kevin Costner!)? Let us know what you think."
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HERE COULD BE YOUR SPOT! ADVERTISE WITH US NOW! AMAZINGLY LOW PRICES!
(NEARLY) EVERY COMPANY IS WELCOME!
(including OCÉ and Jerry Bruckheimer)

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FIND THE NEXT HOLLYWOOD-BOLLYWOOD SUPER STAR ! 
 

James Bond girl 2030 ?

A scandalous report from one of the many "talent factories" all over the world.
 
 
OPEN LETTER TO STEVEN SPIELBERG

by Hans Derkanns

A brilliant new film story for the genius Steven Spielberg: "SAVING ZIRYA"... To read the story on the inside is a MUST!

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FUTURE PRODUCTIONS

"Woman With A Hose Pipe"


 
AND OFTEN TRUE...

SCANDAL! THOUSANDS OF JOBS AXED IN HOLLYWOOD!

Actors say: "We had no idea!" (tell me about it!) ***
Harrison Ford is planning a Fish-Kebab Charity to help the writers! 
Over the last decade, the producers and directors have cut all jobs in the writing guild. Yes, you might be shocked to find out, that all mainstream movies in the last ten years have been made without a screenplay- or dialogue writer!. Shocked? Only Jerry Bruckheimer was prepared to comment when he revealed: "Who actually needs these highly paid writers (the editor: 9.50$ per hour or 40c per line)? They only confuse the audience by complicating a story in a way that it finally would makes sense."
Read our shocking report in "The Insider".    
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And here is the winner of our "The most stupid film description award": It is for the 2015 movie "THE DUKE OF BURGUNDY" The winner's text:
“A woman who studies butterflies and moths tests her limits of her relationship with her lover. “
Congratulations to producer and director for new ways of attracting a wider audience. And three "her" in the last 8 words?...not bad...not bad at all!
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You want to add your opinion and write commentsnewsandstories outside the forum? You want to join the team and contribute on a regular base? Please contact us
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HUMPHREY BOGART KISSES CATE BLANCHETT???

YES! Soon it will be possible! Our top reporter looks behind the new revolutionary techniques of Lukas Films who actually can revive dead actors and actresses.
It all began with a joke, when Harrison Ford (btw a top candidate for the "Actor without Mimic Award") mentioned during the 12. annual Fish-Kebab meal for the "starving fisherman in the world and elsewhere" that he would have loved to have played together with Audrey Hepburn, when a representative of Lucas Films presented 10 minutes later....ehmmm? YES!!! AUDREY HEPBURN. Of course, poor Audrey was a little bit confused (who could blame her?) but signed a 10-year contract with the company. She gave her brightest smile when she said "I am looking forward to work with this Mr. Ford, although he has very little mimic".
Good old Harrison tried to respond with a smile (did not work well) and said "Wait, until you see the winner of the competition." (Insider already know that of course had to be Kevin Costner, but we do not want to reveal it here and now.)


 
OUR HUMOR CORNER:

When things go really wrong
TODAY: ANIMAL RIGHT PROTEST

"Save the sharks"

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"Fight Hunger" month in the USA

WAR OR FOOD?


Hollywood joins in: This year's Oscar winners will take seven hungry people from the audience out to serve them milk and cookies... We all should follow their example! (Warning: products may contain lactose and lots of nuts!)
...
 

AMAZING FILM MUSIC
"Elle" by Mari Boine




NEW SERIES:
FILM LOCATIONS OF THE WORLD

Today: LAS VEGAS


A PLACE GOD HAS FORGOTTEN: Leaving Las Vegas...

Las Vegas, nicknamed “Sin City” or “Lost Wages” has the highest crime rate in the USA for four yours in a row. It is also the most “overweight capital of the USA” (men’s fitness magazine). It is also the capital for teen suicide. There are many more negative superlatives. Meth capital? Worst drivers? Rudest city? You name it...
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+++SPORTS+++
+++CULTURE+++
read the damning report of two really bad movies.
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